my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
