apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
