I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
