5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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