when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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