Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
