She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
