I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
