you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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