do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
