It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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