sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
