my soul wont recognize me after tonight
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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