But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
