Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
