there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
