i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
