Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
