apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
