im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
