I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
