does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
