I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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