I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
