I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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