I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
