this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i out mim tonsoeep
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
