Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
