I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
