I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
sex in a hospital.. check
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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