I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
