Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
