the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
