i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
