Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
