I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
