and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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