I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
