And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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