Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
