Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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