his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I could fuck to npr.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
