Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
