I accidentally burped into my bong.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
