She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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