sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
