i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
