the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
