my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
