also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
