Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
