I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
