Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I intend to get homeless drunk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
