There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
handjob tips. give me some.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
