i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
