Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
